The clear solution, amidst the difficulty, is simply for me to to think theologically rather than emotionally, in order to both please God and profit others.
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God
with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it,
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
What are the biblical considerations in these matters? It seems to me that Proverbs 13:10 sums it up very clearly. It is simply that "contention cometh but by pride." So, in these situations, the old sinful nature characteristic of pride is the root cause of an unresolved offense.
In some cases, I have offended another, and do not want to deal with it, since I believe I was right. At other times, I have been offended by another, and I do not deal with it, since I believe they were wrong. What IS the answer to these things?
Interestingly enough, these two exact issues are specifically addressed in the Word of God. The foundational truth that must prevail in my thinking is that I am a representative of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and am to have the spirit of mercy any grace toward others that was extended to me by God, for Christ's sake.
In Matthew 5:24, I learn that if, when I am worshipping God, i recall an offense that i have been to someone, I am to leave my gift in the altar, and go to be reconciled with my brother.
In Matthew 18:15-17, I learn that if I am aware of an offense by another, I am instructed to go to him or her, privately, in order to be reconciled. In the event of that failing to bring reconciliation, I am to take a witness, still striving for reconciliation, semi-privately. Only if there is no repentance is there a need to move the matter to a public issue before the church.
Some thoughts that come to my mind are 1) that these offenses should be doctrinal issues of conviction, not incidental issues of preference. 2) Additionally, if I find myself being offended at many things, I should consider Psalm 119:165, realizing that if I love God's law, nothing shall offend me. Ultimately, in dealing with offenses, I am reminded in Colossians 4:3 that I am to be "endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
After all, from God's perspective, the world will know that I am a follower of Christ by the demonstration of His love to God and my neighbor.